The Next Table Over: Bonzinni's

-Hey. Why aren't you eating those? Can I have them? I'm sorry. I don't usually ask for other people's food. I'm so drunk right now. One beer and I'm so drunk.

In the Elevator: Ad Hum Building

-Hey, how's it going?
-Oh, ok. I'm so tired.
-Oh really? How was your--
-Trip? It was so much fun! But I'm just so jet lagged.
-I was gonna say weekend. Haha. Where'd you go?
-Vegas! It was so fun. But I got home yesterday morning and slept all day yesterday, and I just feel soooo jet lagged. I'm gonna go talk to the prof to see if I can get an extension on this paper. I tried to do it this morning, but I'm just so jet lagged.
-But how many hours difference is Vegas?
-What?
-What's the difference in time zones.
-Oh I don't know. I can't even think right now.

Front of Class: Luther College

-Let's talk about Beethoven, whom I love. Trust me. By the end of his third symphony, I'm a hot mess and I wanna take off all my clothes it turns me on so bad.
...
-I'm sorry. That's probably too much info for in class. At least I'm getting a reaction out of you...

Before Class: Campion College

-Hey ya know Ian Harris?
-Uh yeah. I went to high school with him.
-What? Really? That guy with the huge beard?
-Yes! I know him. He was in my grade. He's so gross.
-I thought he was from Saskatoon.
-Oh my gosh, so am I.
-Oh yeah. I totally forgot about that. Weird.
-Your such a good friend. Haha.
-Hahaha. No kidding hey?
-Well what about him?
-Oh. He's in my class. He's got A big beard. And he's really gross.
-Oh my god... Hahaha.
-We already covered it I guess. Hahaha.

Bartering: Garage Sale

-I'm glad someone's buying these. Are you gonna use them for their original purpose.
-Oh yes. I think so. What do you use them for?
-Haha. Well I got them for a wedding gift, but I hate martinis. So I actually kept them cause I'm obsessed. With flowers. I was going to use them for vases, but I've got so many vases I never used them.
-Oooh. Well I llove a good martini. I'll put it to good use. Haha.
-Hahaha. Well I won't tell you what I was going to do with them then.
-Oh what's that?
-Haha. Well if I didn't get ten dollars for each of them I was going to use them for urns for my cats when they pass away.
-Oh my goodness.
-Well I'm forever buying cat urns. And they're more expensive than you'd think.
-Oh really? My goodness.
-Haha. See. I shouldn't have told you that!
-Oh no, I don't care. As long as they weren't used for one already. Haha.
-Hahaha. Well you never know!
Oh just kidding. Just kidding.
-Hahahaha. You scared me. My goodness.

On a Bench: Downtown

-Oh, this looks nice. Here in the sun. Can I sit with you?
...
-Four days from now...
...
-Summer officially ends in four days. At two-twenty-something.
...
-Yuh. Whoever decided that, I don't know. Seems crazy to me. Why not midnight.
...
-We had a nice summer though, didn't we?
...
-Oh, I only ever swim in my bathtub.
...
-Yuh. I swim in the tub two days a week. The rest of the days. Five days a week I shower.
...
-Oh sure. Yuh. This is the fiddle. I bring her down here every so often. I only play quiet.
...
-It's not as good as it used to be. The busses used to stop up here on twelfth, eh. So they all had to walk down there. But now it's just quiet, see."
...
-Well, the city messed that up, eh.
...
-What a mess. They made that Novia Cafe shut down. What a shame. What a mess.
...
-Ooh yeah. You know, I remember that Novia Cafe from when I moved here in nineteen-forty-eight. I would eat there almost all the time. Lots of food, eh. Not like these places.
...
-You know back then I worked for Willis Williams. He had a farm out that way. Well his dad, ya see, had thirty-six sections of land out there. He said he came late eighteen-hundreds. Bought up that land for four dollars an acre.
...
-Yuh. Yuh. Four dollars. And then his dad--I forget his name--he bought a store over there on Hamilton street. Four story building. So he divided that land between his three kids.
...
-Yuh. Willis. And George. And a girl. Ya know I forget what the hell her name was.
...
And Willis he farmed his twelve sections plus six sections of the girl's. Now what was her goddam name? Ya know I thought we mighta been interested in each other for a while there.
...
-Yuh, but ya know that's my one regret. I don't have any regrets in my life. Regrets make you depressed, eh. But I do regret that.
...
-I regret not finding my love. You make sure you find your love now.
...
-Oh well! You've got it sorted out. Good for you, boy. Good for you.
...
-Yuh... Yuh... Ya know, that's why I bring the fiddle down here. So I can cry for my love. Cause I can't cry, see.
...
-I don't come every day. But when I haveta cry about it, I bring her down here. I only play quiet, see. I don't wanna bother people.
...
-It's not sad, eh. It's a nice cry. Makes me feel better. Me and the fiddle.
...
-Yuh. Uh huh. Ok. You enjoy the weather, see. Only four days left. Hahaha.
...
-See you. See you soon. See you soon.

Waiting for Coffee: Starbucks

-Oh weird. They don't ask for your name at this one?
-Are you kidding? They don't give a shit about your name at this one.
-Haha. Really?
-Oh, it's the unfriendliest Starbucks I've ever been to. I just hate coming here.
-I thought you loved it here.
-I love the coffee, yeah. But the workers are So unfriendly. Downright mean sometimes.
-Oh no.
-And So slow.
-Aw really?
-Well yeah. Lookit them. They're just standing around half the time.
...
-You know Chelsea's working at a coffee shop now?
-Oh really?
-Yeah, and she's amazing. She's so fast. The other workers practically resent her she's so fast. And she just started.
-Hahaha. Well good for her. We shoulda gone there.
-Yeah! Hahaha. I just can't stand their coffee there though. Haha. Don't tell Chelsea.
-Hahaha. I won't. I won't.
-Does it smell like death to you?
-What?
-It always smells so gross in here. I always think of death.
-Oh geeze. I can't really smell anything.
-What is taking so long? My goodness.

Common Area: Luther College

-Oh my god! What are you doing here?
-Uuumm. I'm going to school.
-I didn't even know you were back. I thought you went to Vancouver.
-Oh yeah... That didn't really work out to well.
-Really? What happened?
-Weeelll, when you're roommate decides to disappear for weeks at a time and then decides to stop paying his share of the rent... It's kinda hard to keep an apartment.
-Oh my gosh. No kidding.
-So... I guess I thought I'd come try the whole school thing.
-Thats awesome! What are you taking?
-Uh... I'm in arts, but applying to education.
-I'm in arts too! What's your major?
-Uh. It's English right now.
-Oh my god. Me too!
-Oh cool.
-You mind if I sit?
-Na. Go ahead.
-So isn't English awesome? I totally love it so far.
-Yeah, it's pretty sweet.
-Who's your favorite author?
-Oh I don't know. I guess I kinda really like Steven King. And like, weird messed up shit like that.
-Oh hahaha. I've never read Steven King. Is it actually any good?
-I like him. Not for everyone I guess.
-Too scary for me.
-Yeah, he's pretty messed up... Who's your favorite?
-Hmm. I don't know. There's so many. I guess I'd probably say Margaret Thatcher.
-Margaret Thatcher?
-You've never heard of her?
-Yeeaah, I have.
-I was gonna say! She's written like a hundred books.
-Do you mean Margaret Atwood?
-Margaret Atwood! Yes! Who did I say?
-Margaret Thatcher.
-Oh my god that's so embarrassing. Margaret Atwood. Yeah. I actually do love her.
-Hahaha. It's no big deal.
-Haha. Who's Margaret Thatcher anyway?
-Uh... I think she used to be the British prime minister. Or something...
-Oh my god. Hahaha.

Cafeteria: Riddell Centre

-Did you ever here that story?
-Yeeeaah, I heard it. I was there!
-Yeah, I guess everyone's heard it, hey? I heard from like four different people.
-Really? Like who?
-Like everyone. How could you not tell that story?
-I haven't told anyone.
-Oh my god. Well you are one tremendous friend. Haha. I tell like everyone I meet. Hahaha.
-Well I wasn't sure if she'd want us to tell people.
-Oh probly not. But it's just so crazy. I couldn't not tell it...

Walking past the Dollar Store: Victoria Square Mall

-Wanna go steal some gitch?

Before Class: Ad Hum Building

-Dude Dude Dude. Hold up. I don't think that girl liked your comment.
-What girl?
-Right there.
-About Starbucks?
-She's annoyed you hate Starbucks.
-You like Starbucks?
-Uh... Kind of.
-You work there?
-No.
-Come on. I bet you do.
-I saw her roll her eyes when you said you hate it.
-Uh, I don't think I did.
-Do you work at a coffee shop?
-Nope.
-No?
-Nope. Not even in the industry.
-Not even in the industry. Well you look like you work in a coffee shop.
-I look like I do?
-Dude, is that a compliment? Are you hitting on her? Hahaha.
-No. Well yeah. It's a compliment, but I'm not hitting on her. I'm not hitting in you.
-OK. Uh... I'm not sure how to respond to that.
-Hahaha. Dude, she thinks you're a weirdo.
-No I just mean, with the glasses and that cardigan. You look like you could be a. A barista. Or whatever they call them.
-OK. Well. Thank you?
-Hahaha. Ahaha.
-You're welcome. You look like a very nice barista.
-Hahaha.

Eating Area: Campion College

-K. So my sister had her baby right? And we were all so excited to go see it. Cause we were like, Ok this is going to be the cutest kid in the world. You've met her right? She's like, pretty good looking. And her husband is like. So hot. Like I thought he was a douche at first, but he's actually pretty cool. And he's really hot. Like, I'm kinda jealous of her kind if hot. Hahaha.
-Hahaha. Like hotter than Jeff?
-Oh way hotter. I'm not gonna lie. Haha.
-Hahaha.
-Don't tell him I said that.
-As if I would.
-Actually. Who cares. I tell him all the time. Hahaha.
-Haha. Oh my gosh.
-Well he's hot, OK? He just is. So yeah. You'd think with their genes, they'd make like beautiful babies, but we all went to see them in the hospital last night--
-Oh she just had it?
-Yeah. Like yesterday morning.
-Aww! I love new borns.
-Yeah I know. That's what we thought. But...
-Not cute?
-No. Not cute.
-Awww. What'd you say?
-Oh I was like, Oh my god she's the cutest little thing in the world. But actually I was like, what the hell happened.
-Hahaha. Aww that's sad.
-I know.
-Like she just doesn't have nice features, or...
-I don't know. She's like bald, for one thing. And her face is all. Squished or something. I don't know. She's just. Not cute.
-Awww. What'd they name her?
-Pff. Lana. I was like, You could of at least picked a cute name.
-Haha--
-But no. It's Lana.
-Lana's not that bad is it?
-I don't know. I don't like it.
-I think it's kind of cute.
-Maybe it's cause I saw the baby.
-Aww. That's so mean.
-I know... I feel bad. I'm sure she'll like, grow into it or something.
-Yeah totally. Kids always grow into their name. My cousin's named Andrew and nobody thought he'd look like an Andrew, but he totally does now--
-Oh my gosh. My mom told me she almost named me Cindy.
-Cindy?
-Could you ever picture me as a Cindy?

The Booth Beside Us: The Broken Rack

-Hey man! How are ya?
-Good. Good. How bout you?
-Oh I'm good. You look good. You been losing weight?
-Yeah! I actually lost twenty pounds in one month.
-Seriously?
-Yeah I feel great.
-How'd you do it? You're dieting?
-Nah. I think it's just my thyroid is screwed up.
-Ah hahaha.
-No serious.
-Oh. Well that'll do it I guess.
-I'm not complaining.
-Yeah.... Man I gotta start losing soon. Look at this...

Front Entrance: Starbucks

-Oh, I just love the word pumpkin.
-Pumpkin?
-Pumpkin. I feel unnaturally happy when I read it. It's just so. Warm or something. And cozy.
-Ok that's it. I'm getting a pumpkin spice latte.
-Me too!
-You convinced me.

Before Class: Luther College

-Hey. Were you in my religious studies class?
...
-Yeah. You sat right in front of me I think.
...
-You do a blog? That found dialogue thing?
...
-I knew it was you! You did like three of my conversations last year.
...
-No, no. It's cool. It was deadly.
...
-Yeah. I felt. Like famous for a day or something. Hahaha.
...
-Yeah it was sweet. Why'd you stop?
...
-Well that's stupid. Hahaha
...
-No offense. But you should just get motivated. It's hilarious.
...
-Oh, totally. I read it every day.
...
-Good. You should.
...
Well I'll be looking for it.

In the Grass: Candy Cane Skatepark

-I wish your brother was here. He'd show you some real tricks.
-Jared?
-No, your big brother, Jesse. He's from Alberta. He's gonna go pro next year. I've seen him jump off huuuge heights. I mean like huuuge. Nothing fazes him. Hey guys, long time no see!
-Yeah hahahaha.
-Just hangin out?
-Yeah we are, hahahaha.
-It's a good spot, I know I used to park here, smoke a little something, then just fly around these streets.
-Right here?
-Right over there yeah. No pigs anywhere. I'd go a hundred through here. Nothin fazed me when I was blitzed.
-Did you drive off the ramps?
-No, daddy's car couldn't take that. Look there's daddy's fuckin transmission right there in the middle of the skatepark. Haha.
-Hahaha. Whattaya drivin these days?
-Oh, I got a eighty-seven GT Celica. Just fuckin pimped right out.
-Oh yeah?
-Yeah. Couldn't bring it today cause I'm gettin new headlights put in.
-Aw that's cool man.
-I coulda taken you out. The thing just flies.
-That red one?
-Yeah, the little red one.
-That works?
-Hahahaha.
-Yeah that works. I'm just fixing it.
-I didn't know that.
-Shut up, Jer. Just go skateboard.
-Hahaha.

Leaving Dairy Queen

-I just wanna go home and massage the poop outta my worms.

Waiting In Line: Starbucks

-I have a tongue twister.
-Ok...
-Slutty shallow Sally.
-What?
-Say it five times fast.
-Slutty. K what?
-Slutty shallow Sally.
-Slutty shallow Satty. Slutty shull--
-Hahaha.
-Where d'you hear that?
-I just thought of it.
-Slutty shallow Sally?
-Yuh.
-You just thought of that? You just sit around making up tongue twisters?
-So what?
-Slutty shallow sat-- Shlutty--
-Haha. Slutty shallow Sally. Slutty sallow sha--
-Slutty shallow Sally. I did it!
-Five times.
-Whatever, man...

Passing By: Normanview Mall

-Your shoes are deadly.
-Thanks!
-You like that word?
-What word?
-Deadly.
-Yeah. I guess.
-Deadly means cool. Your shoes are cool.
-Thanks, sweetheart.

The Middle of the Library: Southland Mall

-Hey. Hey help me out here for a second.
-Uh... Ok...
-My friend here. He would like to try some marijuana. Just try it. I told him he could just hang around Campbell collegiate for a while and he'd probly find some, hey?
-Yeah, I don't know. That might be a good idea.
-Well, where do you find the stuff? It's been years for me.
-I'm not sure. I'd say try some of those guys that hang out at Vic park, downtown.
-Vic park. You know where that is?
-Vic park?
-Down town.
-Oh, down town. Yes, yes. I know down town.
-Go to the park there and ask one of the guys hanging out. How much would you say a joint is?
-I couldn't tell ya, man.
-Oh come on. Three dollars?
-I really couldn't say. I was gonna say maybe five, but I don't have a clue.
-Five bucks?!
-I really don't know.
-You got five bucks?
-Yes, yes. Five bucks.
-Should be good then. Go get er. Hahaha.
-Haha.
-Thanks for your help, man.
-Heh. No prob...
-Why do you even want to try it?
-Um. For fun. For fun.

Before a Wedding: Church Foyer

-Mommy? Mommy?
-Whose kid is that?
-Mommy?
-Who would just leave their kid like that?
-Mommy? Mommy?
-I wish I knew whose kid he was.
-He'll be fine.
-I guess, so hey? It is a church.
-Mommy!
-There she is.
-I'd lose my kid too if I had that many. Hahaha.
-Hahaha.

Before a Wedding: Church Foyer

-Hiiii. I know we weren't invited, but we just had to come see it.
-Oh. I'm sure it'll be fine...

Before a Wedding: Church Foyer

-So, how are things over in Esterhazy?
-They're good, yeah. They're good.
-Gonna be a good year for ya?
-Oooh, we'll see. We'll see. Just wrapping up some renovations yet.
-Renovations? You got a new place?
-No, no. Same place.
-The place I was at last year.
-Yuh. Same old place.
-Wow. That's a nice place. What kinda renos you doing?
-Oooh, we did the bathroom downstairs. And put some new windows in. Just finishing the wife's bathroom.
-The wife's bathroom, wow!
-Well it's the master bath. She's kind of taken it over. Hahaha.
-Well, you can never be too comfortable, I guess.
-Hmmm?
-I just thought your place was beautiful.
-Oh. Thank you.
-Can't imagine the renos you'd wanna do at our place! Hahaha.
-Oh, well. Just regular upkeep I guess.
-Oh yeah! Haha. Master bath just for the wife! Regular upkeep. Hahaha.
-Heh. Just followin orders, I guess.
-Well, We'll have to come out and see it.
-Ok. Yeah. Sure.
-Won't touch anything, I promise. Hahaha.
-Heh. As long as you promise, I guess.

Before a Wedding: Church Foyer

-Heeey, how are yooouuu?
-I'm gooood, how are you?
-I'm good. I'm good. I'm so glad I could make.
-Yeah. Yeah. Hey I know I should recognize you, but...
-I'm Sheri. I'm Amanda's aunt.
-Oh yes. Yes. Of course.
-We met last year at summer camp.
-Oh, of course! I knew that. As soon as I saw you I knew that's where I knew you.

In the Back Alley

-Hey! Get outta there!
-What!
-What the hell? Get lost.
-It's a free country.
-I'll call the cops! We don't need you around here. I've seen you before!
-It's just garbage, Dude.
-Oh my god. Don't eat that!
-Pizza.
-It's my pizza.
-Oh. Yeah. You want it?
-I mean I threw it there. It's like a week old.
-Tastes fine.
-Seriously. Get outta here. I'm calling the cops.
-All right. All right. I'm outta here. Thanks for the pizza.
-Fuck you. Get a job!
-Ha!

Over the Counter: Second Cup

-So. Nice day today, huh?
-Actually, it's snowing outside.
-Oh, I know. I was kind of joking.
-Well they said it was supposed to be nice.
-I know!
-They lied to us.
-They often do, don't they.Telling tall tales every other day.
-What?
-Tall tales. Like stories.
-Oooh. Yeah. Definitely.
-I'm just joking. Kind of.
-Yeah, hahaha....

In Front of Me: Starbucks Line-Up

-Yes, I'll have a Grande White Mocha.
-Ok, sure.
-But can I get it extra sweet?
-Um, ok. Extra sweet? Or half sweet.
-Extra please.
-Ok. Well our White Mocha is actually pretty sweet to begin with. We put four shots of syrup in it.
-Ok.
-So just normal then?
-No, extra sweet please.
-Ok... Like five shots then, or...?
-Yeah. Sure. Or six or seven. Whatever extra sweet is.
-Well it's kinda up to you.
-Seven.
-Ok...
-Six.
-No you can get seven. It's totally up to you.
-I'll just get six.
-Ok. I'm sorry, haha. Maybe it's just me but I find them very sweet.
-No prob. No problem...

Across the Aisle: A&W

-So let me see this phone of yours. What are all these icons.
-Well. Each of them is something different. Like here's my e-mail.
-So you can just e-mail anybody from right here?
-Yup.
-And that's through all these satellites floating around up there?
-Uh, yeah I guess so. And see I can check the scores. It's real time and everything.
-Hmm.
-And here's the Weather Network. Games. A flashlight. You can check your bank account.
-Your bank account? What happens if someone steals your phone?
-Well there's passwords and stuff.
-Can you track em?
-Yeah I think there's GPS or whatever in em.
-So someone's tracking you then?
-Well--
-There's someone somewhere who can type you up in their computer and they know exactly where you are.
-I guess potentially, yeah.
-That just scares the bejeesus outta me. Can you imagine what it's like for an old guy who grew up as a young man on a farm in the fifties? When most people couldn't afford a phone? I mean we were lucky, my parents being a little bit better off than most folks. They only had two kids, see? So we had a bit of money. Most other families used all they had to feed the kids, eh? Eight or ten or fourteen kids sometimes.
-That's crazy.
-Yeah. Yes it is crazy. And now all you kids run around e-mailing your friends while your driving your cars and sending pictures to China or wherever else. Does that got a camera?
-Yup. See?
-These things just blow my mind.
-Yeah they're pretty crazy when you think about it.
-I actually feel like I'm in a different world most days. People don't believe in magic, eh? Well I see it right there. Right there in your pocket...

Behind Us: McDonalds

-Dude, what the hell is in pop that makes it so addicting?
-Pop is in pop that makes it so addicting.
-Yeah, but they gotta put something in it. It doesn't even taste good, but you just haveta drink it.
-You don't Have to.
-Try eating McDonald's without pop. It's impossible.
-Dude, check it out. This is the deadly way to eat fries.
-What the heck?
-At least the deadly fat person way to eat fries.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Wanna go?
-Just wait. I need a refill.

Behind Me: Before Class

-Ever try tzatziki sauce before?
-Nope. Don't think so. It's that white stuff?
-Yeah I got in my sub and it's surprisingly delicious.
-My mom eats hummus.
-Oh gross. I hate hummus.
-I know me too. But I like the word humus. Hummus!
-Haha. Hummus!
-It's such a strong word. I feel like i haveta flex when I say it. Hummus!
-Hahaha. Hummus!
-Irish has lots of funny words. Humus. Kilkenny.
-Hahaha. Leprechaun.
-Haha. Hooligan.
-That's Irish?
-I think so.
-Haha. Hooligan! You have to flex for all of them.
-Haha. Totally. Shamrock! Haha.
-Haha. Shamrock shake.
-Hahaha. We're so stupid. Haha. What else? Kelly green!
-Forest green!
-Golf!
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.

On the Phone: Luther College

-I'm really good at making really witty jokes that may or may not actually pertain to the situation. Yeah, and I'm never sure if they make any sense, cause I never know what's actually going on...

Waiting for Burgers: Riddell Center

-Well I really wanna move back to Saskatoon, but I'm scared I'm gonna run into Ian. Cause apparently he's got a new girlfriend and shit. And as if I wanna see him holding hands with some weird-ass bitch and have them come over and be like, Oh that's such a cute baby, and I'd have to be all like, It's your baby you little shit, where my money at?
-No kidding! That's so awkward. Do you see him every time you go there?
-Pretty much, yeah. Last time I saw him at the mall and he was like, Ya know those African girls who used to be all mean to you? Well now they're mean to me and they're all like, Bitch, why don't you look after your baby-mama and your fuckin baby boy?
-They said that to him?
-That's what he said. And I'm all like, Those bitches be crazy, but they're totally right! Caleb hasn't seen a penny from his daddy his whole life.
-Ah. He's such a dick.
-Yeah he is! That's why I'm staying here. I can't even stand looking at him...

Walking Past: Waiting for the Bus

-Oh my god. That's so mean.
-I know! And she was wearing this fuckin flowery turban on her head--
-She was wearing a turban?
-No, but you know those huge flowery head bands? It looked like nineteen seventies Hawaii like threw up on her head, and she's sitting there making fun of the color of my shirt.
-She's totally always been mean...

The Edge of the Hot Tub: Kinsmen Sportsplex

-Don't you wish there was a device that made you breath underwater?
-Yeah, and you could never drowned!
-And you could swim as far as you want and you could live there forever.
-Aaaah haaa! And you could swim all day with a dolphin!
-And you could fall in love with a mermaid!
-Aaaaww gross!
-You never fell in love before?
-No! No way.
-I fell in love three times already.
-I never wanna fall in love.
-Are mermaids even real?
-I dunno. Probly. Wanna waterslide?
-Yeah!

At Dinner: Applebee's

-These young girls just don't know how to manage their PMS as well as we used to.

In Line: 7-11

-Do you wear those same pants every day?
-Hahaha. No. I have like seven of the exact same pair.
-Woah. How come?
-I don't know. I've just never been a jeans guy, I guess.
-Ask him why he's not a jeans guy.
-How come you're not a jeans guy?
-Hahahaha. They just don't feel right. Denim's awesome, but I don't like the way denim feels on my balls.
-Eeeew.
-Don't you find denim feels weird on your balls?
-Nope. Remember? I wear underwear. There's never any denim/ball contact. He doesn't wear underwear.
-Gross!
-Hahahahahahaha. It's so fuckin awesome.
-He hasn't for like three years.
-I just like letting the family hang out!
-The family? He's so weird.
-I feel like this is a very inappropriate conversation to have in public.
-Hahahahahahaha.
-Uh...

Starbucks in Chapters

-How long have we been here? We should do something.
-Let's play hide-&-seek.
-K. You guys hide. What should I count to?
-Thirty?
-K. One... Two...
-Go! Go!
-Three... Four... Five...

UofR Book Sale

-Don't they have any sports books?
-I got them all yesterday. Haha.
-Oh it was you? Damn it.
-Haha.
-You couldn't even get enough beer in me to read one of these...

In line: Henderson's

-You paying with cash?
-Oh no. I'm just the entourage.
-Haha. Everyone needs an entourage.
-Totally. Especially when they're buying food.
-Hey, back off, Bitch.
-Hahaha.
-No seriously. I'm not gonna lie. I'm unusually overprotective of my mini-eggs.
-Ok. Ok. I won't lie either. Very rarely do I ever share. Anything.
-I know, me neither.
-My dad always stole my food so I hate sharing.
-Especially sandwiches. Why would I wanna mix your saliva with my saliva?
-I know! Or drinks?
-Chocolate bars?
-Chips?
-So bottom line... Get your own mini-eggs.
-Hahaha.
-No seriously...

Waiting for Coffee: Starbucks

-Oof. Thought I was dreaming for a second there.
-How so?
-Didn't you see who served us?
-Oh yeah. Haha. Forgot you liked her.
-Oh man. She's a dream.

The Tall Tables: Riddell Center

-Ya know that crazy girl in my history class. She was in your French class or something?
-Yeah, that super weird one?
-Yeah. K. She came to class today, and like ten minutes into class she left. And then came back. Half an hour later. With a friggen coffee.
-Hahaha. That doesn't surprise me at all. She is so crazy.
-Hahaha. What? Did the prof say anything?
-No. Haha. He's probably used to her by now.
-She's always crazy?
-Oh yeah. In my class she would hit herself in the head every time she'd get a word wrong or whatever.
-I know! She did that last class! She just like hits her forehead so hard.
-Seriously?
-Yes! We'd always be like, Are you ok?
And she'd be like, Oh I do that all the time.
-Hahaha. That's so weird.
-She is weird. If she wasn't hot, she'd be like legit crazy.
-Hahaha. You think she's hot?
-Yeah. Totally.
-Haha.
-Is she?
-I've never thought about it. She's just too weird to be hot. Haha.
-Hahaha. True, I guess.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.

Sorting Clothes: UofR Bookstore

-Heeey, looook who it iiiss.
-Uh oooohh! Do we gotta kiss you're butt mega time now?
-What?
-Mwwa. Mwwa. Mwwa. Mwwa.
-What are you talking about?
-Well you're an Author now, aren't you?
-Darren!
-Oh. Well this is my second book, but yeah.
-Oh it is?
-You knew that!
-I did not know that.
-Sorry!
-But this one's new. So do we haveta kiss butt?
-Nah. You could read it, that'd be nice.
-Mwwa. Mwwa. Mwwa. Hahaha...

Finding a Book: Chapters Bookstore

-Are these even in order?
-I know, I can't find anything.
-I thought it was supposed to be alphabetical.
-It is alphabetical.
-Doesn't look like it.
-Look, A, and then, T.
-Alphabetical by author, you stupid. Hahaha.
-Well how am I supposed to know?
-Did you know?
-I don't know. Don't ask me.
-Hahaha. You guys are crazy...

At the Foodcourt: Cornwall Center

-Ya know what my buddy said to me? He was like, Isn't it weird how First Nations, or wait, Aboriginals. What are you supposed to call them now?
-I think they're actually interchangeable. You just have to say, peoples, at the end.
-Really? Why?
-I don't know. It's politically correct cause if you just say, Aboriginals, you're like objectifying the group as a thing rather than people. Or something.
-Well, anyway. He was like, isn't it weird how if they lived in San Diego, people would probably just think they're Mexicans.
-Oh my gosh, what an idiot.
-I know. He just said it out of the blue.
-What'd you say?
-I don't know... But I guess if you think about it, if a Mexican lived here, I'd probably think he was an Aboriginal. Aboriginal Person, sorry. Am I supposed to say Mexican Person, then?
-I don't know, haha.
-Mexicanos?
-I don't think it's the same.
-Tacos?
-Oh my god.
-That was bad, sorry.
-You're such an idiot.

The Booth Behind Me: Bonzinni's Brew Pub

-I think Obama's gonna win again.
-Really?
-I didn't think so a couple months ago, but he's gotta like the people he's running against. They're complete morons.
-Ya like Barak?
-I don't know. I like his ideals. I don't like his administration.
-Yeah?
-Oh, I was so pissed at him when he was talking to the Pope. He told him he would do everything in his power to stop abortion in the States. And then like three weeks later, he's giving like how many trillions of dollars to it.
-Well, yeah, but he's not gonna end abortion. That's so far gone, it's not even worth talking about.
-Yeah well. We're gonna start paying for it real soon.
-Ya think so?
-Oh totally. We're not gonna have enough people for the work force, not enough people to take care of elderly folks. They're already looking at fuckin euthanasia.
-Seriously?
-Well it makes sense. Think about it. The generation that said, It's OK to kill little babies is breeding a generation that says, It's OK to kill old people. It's just a circle of fuckin death.
-Hmm.
-It's depressing. Even Obama's whole campaign right now is, Somebody tell me why I should even fuckin run again?
-Haha.
-Seriously. He's dropping F-bombs everywhere. Why should he run?
-I don't know. Because we need you Barak. Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-We neeeed you. Haha.
_Hahaha. Fuck, I need another beer.

Round Tables: South Residence

-I can't wait for the summer.
-Oh, me too.
-We'll go to the beach like every weekend, hey?
-Yeah, I hope so! The top of my bathing suit is on back order though, so I hope it gets here.
-Whattaya mean?
-Member that bathing suit I got online?
The top's on back order. So they sent the bottoms but not the top. I'll have to get a different top.
-So what. Big deal.
-Oh, yeah! Are you gonna buy it?
-Sure.
-Hahaha. Sugar daddy.
-Haha. Sure, why not?
-Or I could just let em all hang out.
-Hahaha. That'd be awesome!
-Oh yeah. You'd like that.
-I would like that.
-You wouldn't care who got to see my ta-tas. Haha. As long as you gotta see em.
-Hahaha. I'd say that's pretty accurate. Hahaha.
-Hahaha. Shut up!
-Ouch! Hahaha...

Riddell Center

-I gotta take off. Been skipping way too much.
-K, Bro. See ya later.
-K, what is it with this word, Bro?
-I don't know.
-Why do people use it?
-It's just like, friend or like brotha from anotha motha, hahaha.
-Well what does Brodozer mean?
-What? Brodozer? Haha. Who says that?
-Ah... Do you know James... I can't remember his last name. He's in my psych class. Oh, he's dating Nina!
-Oh yeah. Ok. I haven't met him. I think I know who you mean though.
-Well anyway. He was telling me. Just outta nowhere. He's like going on about his friend coming outta the closet. And he was all, It kinda weirded me out, kinda stuff. So I said. I told him I don't think that would weird me out. I don't know, cause it's like two-thousand-and-twelve and that's like pretty normal these days. So he's like, Oh, it's just cause he grew up with him or whatever. But then when I was leaving, he was like, See ya later, Brodozer.
-Hahaha. So you think that's weird?
-Well I don't know. I just didn't know what he meant.
-It's just like Broski, or Broseph, or like Bromance, or Brosandwich. People just make things up.
-Weird. I thought it was like, some homosexual term or something.
-Hahaha. I doubt it. But then maybe he likes you. Hahaha.
-Ha ha. Yeah whatever. I gotta go. See ya later.
-See ya, Brobofski.
-Hahaha. What?
-I dunno. That was stupid.
-Hahaha. That was stupid.
-I tried. I tried.
-Haha. See ya, man.
-See ya.

Over Coffee: Tim Hortons

-Hey ladies! What are we talking abooouut?
-Hahaha. Oh, nothing.
-Hahaha.
-Come on, I wanna know!
-Our celebrity cruushees. Hahaha.
-Oh my god. Who's yours?
-I'm not tellin--
-Bruce Willis!
-Shut uup.
-Haha. He's hot! Nothing wrong with Bruce. Haha. And who's yours?
-Johnny Depp.
-Ooof course. Hahaha. Ok. Now mine. Ummm. K. I know everyone thinks he's an ass these days, but I can't seem to get over him.
-Who?!
-Mel Gibson. Hahaha.
-Hahaha
-Hahaha. He is hot. I'll give you that.
-You know who else though? And this is really weird! Ok. My daughter is completely obsessed with Justin Bieber--
-You've got a crush on Justin Bieber?
-No! I don't. But ok. My daughter watches, Never Say Never, practically every day, and I watch it with her sometimes, and I just think he's super cute.
-Well cute, yeah.
-But not sexy.
-Well... I actually had a dream about him. Haha.
-Hahaha. Oh my god. A sex dream?
-Well, not quite. But it was headed that way.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha. Oh my gosh. So Justin Bieber is the man of your dreams?
-Hahaha. I guess he is! It wasn't anything! But I did wake up a little flustered, hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha. Oh my gosh.
-Don't judge! Hahaha...

Behind me: Before Class

-This class is so boring I just can't stop doodling.
-I know me too.
-Here's Jesus as a cat.
-Haha.
-Jesus as a dog.
-Haha. The cat's way better.
-I don't know. It's pretty close.
-I've got boxes and cubes mostly.
-Hahaha. Here's a mildly offensive Jesus being eaten by a shark.
-Hahaha. Show the prof. I bet he'd say it's more than mildly offensive.
-Haha. He's smiling though. I don't think it hurts Jesus when he gets eaten.
-Hahaha. Oops. That was more maniacal than I planned.
-Hahaha. Maniacal laaauugh.
-Aww, I love that movie!
-I know, me too...

On the Bus: Between Home & School

-I'm so excited. I got tickets for Hunger Games on Friday.
-Oh my god, I would never see that movie.
-What? Why?
-I actually can't believe you're going to it.
-Why not? I'm so excited!
-Isn't it like a bunch of teenagers killing each other?
-Oh my gosh. That's not all it's about.
-But still. It seems like the friggen coliseum or something.
-Oh, give me a break. Did you watch Gladiator?
-Yeah.
-Saw? Any War movie? Zombieland, or whatever?
-I've never seen Saw. And war movies are like, true stories.
-Still. How bout video games. Friggen Grand Auto whatever.
-Grand Theft Auto?
-Yeah, or any video game. Friggen Hamlet, everyone dies in the Hamlet.
-Yeah, but don't they like watch it on TV and like take bets and shit?
-Yeah. But that's the point. It's a dystopia. It's like if you take everything we watch today and make it real or something.
-it just sounds super creepy to me.
-And it's not like the kids are like pumped to kill each other. It's like a horrible thing. Even in the book. They're forced to do it. It supposed to be creepy.
-Well, whatever. You're just super passionate about them, or what?
-You should just read them. They're awesome. People are acting all like self-righteous about them, but they don't even have a clue.
-Sorry...
-Well not you! But lotsa people.
I just think they're awesome.
-Who are you going with?

The Round Tables: South Residence

-Hey, how's it going?
-Ok... Just found out my mom's going to couple's therapy with her boyfriend.
-Really? Is that cool?
-I don't know. I mean I don't think they're even that messed up.
-Haha. Is there a certain level of messed you have reach before seeking therapy?
-Hahaha. I guess not. They're not as messed as her and Dad were, that's for sure.
-Well, maybe that's a good thing then.
-Maybe. I just feel like those therapists are retarted anyway. Sorry, stupid. Not retarted.
-Haha. As if I care.
-Well, I don't know. Hahaha. Some people do. Do you watch The Apprentice?
-Mmm, sometimes. Not really.
-Me neither, but Ellen had some guy who got fired on the other day.
-This week?
-Last week, I think. He was supposed to be some celebrity relationship counselor or something.
-Really?
-Yeah. I can't even remember his name, but apparently he's famous. But he was, like, so. Stupid. The crowd could ask him questions, and this girl was like, Yeah, I work like twelve hour days or something, and my boyfriend always wants to do it as soon as I get home, and she wanted to know how to like tell him No sometimes, cause she's like fuckin exhausted. And all the guy said was like, Well who wouldn't want to do it if their girlfriend looked like you?
-Seriously?
-Yeah! And then he's like, We all have to do things we don't wanna do like every day. So basically his relationship advice was, Do it anyway. Whenever he wants.
-That's so stupid. Haha. I'd say you're allowed to call him retarted.
-No kidding.
-What'd Ellen say?
-Nothing really. You could tell she felt really awkward.
-Yeah, no doubt. I mean, I don't know Ellen, but I feel like I do. Haha.
-Hahaha. You guys are best friends?
-Totally. Haha. I mean I watch her like everyday.
-Hahaha.
-But I bet she thought he was a douche bag.
-Totally. She was like, Words to live by and was like looking out at the crowd like she thought he was an idiot.
-Hahaha. I love Ellen...

From the Fireplace Chairs to the Line-Up: Starbucks

-Hey, you saw my Facebook post?
-What?
-Had to follow me here?
-I just needed a coffee...
-So you didn't see my post?
-Which post?
-I said I was going for coffee before work. My status.
-Oh. Heh. Nope. I just wanted a coffee.
-So you just randomly decided to come here?
-Uh... This is Starbucks.
-I know it's Starbucks! I never see you here, though.
-Really? I'm actually here like almost every day.
-Oh yeah right, Tom. I bet you saw my status.
-I'm just getting a coffee.
-Yeah riiight. You guys ever see him here? You're here every day, right?
-Every weekday, yeah.
-Ever seen him?
-A few times, yeah. For sure.
-But this early?
-Hmm. Not sure.
-I'm just getting a coffee. I wasn't even on Facebook this morning.
-Ok, sure. But you're gonna sit with us, right?
-Nope. Just getting a coffee on my way to work.
-Yeah right. Come sit.
-Goin' to work. See ya later.
-Okaaay. See ya... Well, that was weird...

Across from Us: McDonalds

-What's your boy's name?
-Uh, Tony.
-Tony. He's cute. Hey, Tony. Come here?
-Heh. He's kind of shy.
-No, that's good. I got these three kids here. I told each one as soon as they could listen. I told em, if anyone ever says to you, come here, you don't even move.
-That's probably a good thing.
-That is a good thing. I tell them exactly what a stranger will do to em. I tell them, in detail, what a stranger will do to em.
-Woah.
-No. If that seems brutal, if that scares them, Good.
-Yeah, I guess hey.
-I say they should be scared. They should run from any stranger they meet.
-That's good. Yeah.
-You hear that, Tony?
-Say, yeah, Tony. Say, we haveta go now, mister. Say, see ya.
-Hahaha. He's cute. We gotta go too. Gotta go get some weed. Hahaha.
Just kiddin. Just kiddin.
-Heh.
-I'd never do that with the kids...

Halfway Up the Stairs: It's a Blast Playplace

-Hey, Carter! Wanna come upstairs and dance with us?
-Noooo.
-How come? It's so much fun.
-Noooo.
-Are you sure?
-I'm not a girl!
-Oooh. Carter, boys can dance too.
-Boys run.
-What? Woop, there he goes...

The Big Table: Starbucks

-Oh my god, there's Jenna.
-Who?
-Jenna. Don't look. I don't want her to see-- Shit. She saw me.
-What? Haha.
-She's coming over. Crap.
-Who is she?
-Heeeey, Jennnaaa. How are you?
-I'm well! How are you?
-Good. Gooood.
-Who's this?
-Oh. Jenna this is Kelly. Kelly, Jenna. I went to elementary school with Jenna.
-We were best friends.
-Well... We were good friends.
-Cool. Cool.
-We were Best friends. Until you ditched me for Jeremy.
-Oh please. You say that every time I see you.
-It's true.
-I didn't ditch anyone.
-You skipped my birthday for his soccer game. We had a slumber party and she snuck out of my house.
-Oooh, maaan...
-We were like 13.
-Yeah. Best friends.
-Ok, well whatever. It's nice to see you, Jenna.
-We should try to catch up sometime.
-Yeah, ok.
-I'm serious.
-Ok. Well call me or something.
-K. I'll Facebook you.
-K, see you.
-See you. Nice to meet you.
-Yeah. Same here.... That was awkward.
-She's always awkward.
-Would you actually 'catch up' with her?
-I don't know...
-She can hold a grudge.
-No kidding! Jeremy was pretty hot though.
-Was he?

Cafeteria: Luther College

-D'you vote yet?
-Na...
-You better do it. You have til 5.
-Na...
-Whattaya mean?
-I'm not voting?
-Why not? You haveta vote. You have no right to complain if you don't.
-That. Is why I don't vote. Why is that everyone's argument for voting?
-Well if you don't make your voice known, how is anyone supposed to listen.
-You think anyone will wonder if I voted if I'm making my voice known? You think people who complain are just complaining because they voted?
You think people who voted for Harper aren't complaining? The only thing anyone's said from either side is, The other guys are horrible people, and you can't complain if you don't vote.
-Well, that's not all. We're gonna revitalize--
-No. I don't even care. I don't even want to complain. just wanna get my degree and be gone. I wanna complain about actually having elections.
-Ok. Ok. Fair enough.

Beside the Fireplace: Starbucks

-I had the craziest pizza dream last night.
-Oh yeah?
-I was so hungry around ten o'clock so I had some left over pizza, and boy did I pay for it.
-Haha. How so?
-K. I'm just piecing it together, but I started in a bathtub, just floating there with my head under the water, so the world was all muted right?
-Yeah...
-But then all these fish, like crazy fish, like neon and pink and blue and whatnot came swimming by and all of a sudden I'm in the ocean.
-Heh.
-My head's not under water, I'm floating, but everything's still muted and the fish are swimming past up in the air or something. Like flying fish but actually flying.
-That is weird.
-Yeah, but then I can hear this screaming from a mile away, it sounds like. Like I can just barely hear it at first, but it's getting louder and louder until it totally freaked me out. I was convinced my wife was dying or something.
-Weird.
-So then I'm aware it's a dream and I'm trying to wake up, but then its like I'm still floating but I'm looking into a fish tank and the fish are my friends from high school. I don't think they were still screaming, but I was still terrified.
-What? Haha.
-They still look like fish, right. But I know they're my friends some how, and they're all staring at me and blowing bubbles or something... And then I woke up, and I was all shaky.
-Really? It was that scary?
-Well it doesn't even sound scary, but it totally freaked me out. I almost couldn't go back to sleep.
-Ya think it means anything?
-The hell do I know? Don't eat pizza before bed, I guess.Haha.
-Hahaha. No kidding...

On the Bus: Between Downtown & Home

-Hey, ya know what I watched last night?
-What?
-That Hannibal movie!
-Oh, I hate horror movies.
-I know, I shoulda never watched it. I had nightmares all night. Have you seen it?
-No. I seriously can't handle horror movies.
-K, the end is so gross. Do you wanna know what happens?
-Not really...
-K. He like cuts off this guy's scalp. I don't know what he did to the guy, but he's all drugged up, so he's still alive.
-Eew. This is so gross. Please stop.
-No seriously it's horrifying. He makes the girl, like the main girl. She's all drugged up too, but he makes her eat the brain. He's like, This is the frontal lobe, and I'm pretty sure he's gonna eat the whole thing--
-Okaay. Stooop it.
-What?
-That's so gross!
-Yeah. It's Hannibal. Cannibal Hannibal. It's supposed to be gross.
-Yeah, but I said I don't wanna hear about it and you keep blabbing on and on about it.
-Hahaha. Well it's just a movie...

From Thirty Yards Away: Between Luther College & The Education Building

-Toni-i-i-ight. We-ee aaare yooo-uuung. So let's set the world on fii-iire. We can burn bri-i-ight-eer. Than the suuuuuuu-uuun. Toni-i-i-i-igh-t....

By the Sugar & Cream Counter: Starbucks

-D'you see the Folk Fest Lineup is out.
-Yeah, I saw that. Whattaya think?
-I don't know. It looks okay...
-Really? I thought it looked sweet.
-Yeah... I'm trying to convince myself it'll be lame cause I'm trying to avoid crowds.
-Haha. Seriously? Why?
-Well this is weird. I feel like I'm losing my mind, but I'm like always running into people. When I'm walking.
-What? Hahaha.
-I must always be in my own little world or something cause I like literally run into people all the time.
-Haha. Oh my gosh. You're so weird.
-I know. Haha.
-I guess I do that too, though.
-For real?
-I more like whack people with my arms, but yeah kinda the same. It hurts when I do it.
-Hahaha. Seriously?
-Well I hit people's like watches and stuff.
-Hahaha. Maybe we both need to avoid the Folk Fest.
-Oh, I'm going. I'll tie my arms down or something, but I'm going. Hahaha. I never miss it.
-Hahaha. Maybe I'll go. Just haveta watch my step, I guess...

In Front of Me: Ticket Line - Regina Bus Depot

-I need a ticket to Calgary. For my daughter, here.
-Okay! Coming right up.
-Just don't sit at the back.
-Why not?
-That's where the crazies try to chop off your head.
-What?
-Just kidding, just kidding. But seriously.
-Don't listen to him. That really doesn't happen very often.
-Very often?!
-Just try not to fall asleep.
-What? Oh my god.
-Hahaha. We're just kidding. He's just kidding. Seriously, Sweetheart, it's ok.
-Do I have to go? I don't want to go.
-I am very sorry. Very sorry. I...
-It's ok. It's ok. She'll be fine.
-How do you know?
-No one ever gets their head chopped off. I've ridden the bus a thousand times. No one has ever asked to chop my head off.
-They're not gonna ask!
-I'm just kidding!! No one has ever tried. I've never even thought someone might want to.
-Whatever, Dad.
-Your mom will be happy to see you.
-Fine...
-So... One to Calgary?

Two Booths: McDonalds

-Hey, can I have a loonie?
-Well, what do you need it for?
-Uh... to buy something. Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha. What else would it be for?
-How old are you boys?
-Uh... Twelve.
-Why? Real creepy question. Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Well, let's see. When I was twelve it woulda been nineteen-forty-five. Everyone worked very hard for a dollar.
-You're old.
-Yes, I guess I am old.
-Well can we have one or what?
-No. You may not.
-How come?
-Come on, man.
-If I give you a dollar, what do you think that would teach you?
-Uh... K never mind. Haha.
-Hahaha. Too cheap.
-It would teach you you don't have to work for a dollar.
-Hahaha. We don't work for a dollar. It's just a dollar. Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Well you should work for it.
-Ok, ok. We get it.
-Just a cheap guy. Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.

The Front Entrance: Chapters Bookstore

-It smells like diabetes in here.

Looking Out the Window: Fort Qu' Appelle A&W

-Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. That boy just isn't afraid of anything anymore. I seen him blowing through that stop sign most every morning.
-He's gonna have a wreck any minute.
-He needs to. He needs to wreck right at that corner. That'll teach em.
-Uh huh. Uh huh.
-It might kill him, but it'll teach him a lesson.
-That's for darn sure.

The Stools: University Coffee Shop

-You should put some of that in your blog. Do you still blog?
-Ah. Barely ever.
-How come? I love your blog.
-I don't know. I feel like it's just like random shit. Like no one even knows what I'm talking about.
-I don't think so. And who cares? Blogs are supposed to be random shit.
-I don't know.
-D'you hear about that guy who just blogs random conversations?
-No. Weird. Like his own conversations?
-No he just like eaves troughs on everybody.
-Hahaha. What'd you say? Eaves trough?
-Shut up, What's it called?
-Hahaha. Eaves Drops.
-Well whatever. He just listens to random people and blogs about it.
-Have you read it?
-A couple. Cause my friend thinks he was listening to her.
-Oh he's from here?
-I think so.
-Haha. That's so weird. What was she saying?
-Who?
-Your friend! Haha.
-Oh! Haha. I dunno. This guy in her class was like telling her how he doesn't study or something. She said it was pretty much exactly what they said.
-That's kinda creepy.
-I know! But they're pretty funny. One girl was like going on and on about her boyfriend's dick.
-As if.
-Serious.
-I bet he makes them up.
-I don't know. They're pretty crazy. Like this one guy goes to the car wash every day or something.
-That doesn't sound that crazy.
-Well who would think of that? unless it was true?
-I don't know. Anybody. How does anybody think of anything?
-I dunno. I bet they're true. You should read them.
-Watch he'll be on Oprah appologizing for lying.
-Hahaha. Or Ellen. Oprah's not even a show anymore.
-Hahaha. Whatever.
-I love Ellen. Did you see where she had those little girls singing Nicki Minaj?
-I don't watch Ellen.
-Oh my god you have to watch Ellen.

Beside me: Quiznos Subs

-Double flusher.
-What?
-Double flusher. Haha.
-Are you kidding me?
-What?
-Did you seriously just come back from the can to tell me about your shit?
-Haha. I guess so.
-That's disgusting.
-Hahaha.
-Seriously, dude. Have some respect.
-Aw man, sorry dude...
-Geeze.

Waiting for the Bus: Classroom Building

-Aw, I'm so sick of school right now. I just want it to end.
-Drop out.
-Yeah. I wish. I was this close the other day.
-Haha. Seriously? What would you do?
-I don't know! That's the thing. But I'm just sitting here, studying all these fuckin crazy works of art and I just keep thinking, I should be doing this. Not studying it.
-Yeah... I can't really relate. I just wanna get through it so I can start working.
-Don't you feel like you should be doing something? Like something important?
-I kinda think teaching is important.
-Yeah. Oh totally. But I mean. How many, like, revolutionaries were teachers?
-Yeah I guess... But would there be revolutionaries without someone teaching them what needs revolutionizing?
...
...
-I dunno.
-Me neither...

Inside & Out: Cozy Cradles & Kids Wear

-Aaaaahhhh!! Call nine-one-one! Call nine-one-one!!
-What happened?!
-I fell on the ice with my daughter. I just fell on the ice with my daughter.
-Oh my gosh. Where is she?
-She's outside. Can't you here her crying?
-Ok ok. Here's the phone.
-You need to melt that ice out there! Hello? I need the ambulance! I'm at. Oh what's it called? What's this place called?
-Cozy--
-I'm at Cozy Cradle! I fell on the ice with my daughter! I don't know! Just wait a sec. Can you hold?
-She's ok, Tina. Just come out here.
-She hit her head!
-I don't think she did. She's holding her knee.
-Ok. Hello? I think she's ok. She might have broken her knee. Are you sure she's ok?!
-She's fine, Tina. She just wants her mom.
-K. I gotta go. Ya thanks. You need to get rid of that goddam ice out there...

Cafeteria: Riddell Center

-Man, I had the worst time falling asleep last night. I got like no sleep at all.
-Aw, that sucks. I used to have like friggen insomnia. I'd stay up for days.
-I hate it so much.
-Does it happen lots?
-Quite a bit, yeah.
-You should try drinking a bit of wine before bed.
-Seriously?
-It totally works.
-You just have a glass before bed? Like in your bed?
-No! Haha. Like when I'm watching TV or whatever. I don't know, it's just really relaxing.
-You don't feel weird drinking alone?
-Oh, I drink with my cat.
-What?!
-She totally loves it. I just pour a bit in a bowl and she gobbles it up.
-Oh my god that's so weird.
-She's totally a cheap drunk too. Haha. It takes her like one bowl and she's all tipsy. Haha.
-Haha. So you don't feel like an alcoholic cause you drink with your cat instead of by yourself.
-Hahaha. I'm totally not an alcoholic.
-I'm not to sure drinking with a cat helps your case much. Haha.
-Haha. Well I sleep like a baby so. Have fun staying up all night.
-Well what kind do you get?

Tables in the Back Foyer: Luther College

-Do you happen to smoke?
-No, I don't. Sorry.
-That's cool. No worries.
...
...
...
-Hey, do you smoke?
-Aw, I do, but I don't have any on me.
-Aw man. Ok.
-Sorry.
...
...
...
-Hey, do you have a smoke I could borrow?
-Na. I quit.
-Damnit.
-You just hang out here now?
-Yeah, haha. I'm waiting for people I know to come by so I can bum a smoke.
-Oh hahaha. Getting desperate?
-Just slightly...

Amongst Shelves: Chapters Bookstore

-Are you ready yet? I'm getting bored.
-No! I Still haven't picked one out.
-Well would ya hurry up? Hahaha.
-I'm hurryin. I'm hurryin.
-I can only spend so much time here. Too many words. Too many ideas.
-Haha. That's why I can't pick.
-Ya start wishin there was magic if you're here too long.
-Haha. Or believing in it.
-Hahaha. Exactly.
-That's why I love it here.
-I knew you were crazy.
-Hahaha. I guess you were right. I think I'll get this one.
-Ok, good. So we're done?
-I guess so, yeah...

The Front Entrance: Downtown Library

-Have you seen Walking Dead?
-That zombie show?
-Yeah, yeah.
-I watched it once, yeah. Is it ever gruesome.
-I know. It's so awesome. I can't get enough of it.
-Oh man, I can't watch it.
-I totally think it's like the best show on TV right now.
-I thought I was gonna love it, but that first episode there's this little girl zombie that looked Exactly like my little niece.
-Haha. That's hilarious. She totally does!
-I know, man. But it kinda shook me up. I'm like terrified of my niece now.
-Hahaha. You serious?
-I have nightmares about her.
-Hahaha.
-Just like the show, only I'm the one who has to shoot my own niece in the head.
-Hahaha.
-Laugh it up, man. Haha. I'm serious. I can't ever remember having nightmares until I watched that.
-Oh man. That's so messed up. Haha.
-Haha. It is Totally messed up.

By the Drink Machines: 7-11

-Are those actually any good?
-Oh, yes! I've been waiting all winter to have one. I think it's finally nice enough to have a cold drink.You'll have to try one.
-Maybe. Sometime. I didn't think old people liked cold coffee.
-Oh, well that's not very nice.
-What?
-I didn't think little girls liked being rude.
-I'm not that little.
-Well I'm not that old...

Behind Us: Wendy's

-Oh man, I can't Wait to eat my burger.
-K. Keep it in your pants. People are listening.
-Hahaha. What's that supposed to mean?
-Well you're like sweating. It's just a burger.
-Shut up. Haha. You're such a jerk...

The Pit: Education Building

-Oh, I rarely ID anyone.
-Really? Can't you get in trouble if you don't? My sister said she almost got fired cause she wasn't.
-Well you're supposed to. But it's like so easy to tell. This one table had like eight people, probly my age, all ordering drinks. But then there's this one guy who just looks real nervous. So I asked for his, and he's all like, Uh... Uh... I'll just have a coke. Haha.
-Hahaha. Did he look a lot younger?
-No. He looked about the same. Just really nervous.
-Hahaha. What if the other guys were just good actors?
-Haha. I don't know. Well whatever. They knew what to order. I'm sure they could handle it. Haha. Hey, you heard Ethan's brother is going to Vegas for his stag?
-Yeah, I think I heard that.
-K. Friggen Ethan wants me to go with them, but I'm like, I'm not even twenty-one. What the hell am I gonna do in Vegas?
-Hahaha. Exactly.
-I don't what he's gonna do. I don't think he's twenty one yet.
-Maybe he's a good actor. Haha.
-Hahaha. Yeah I guess, hey...

Tables at Hendersons: Luther College

-It was just so sad. I almost cried... But I shouldn't talk to you about this stuff. You like, hate animals.
-I do not. I love animals.
-As if!
-I do! I love the way they taste. Hahaha.
-Oh my god that's so rude.
-Ok. Ok. I think it's cool if you wanna have a pet cat, or whatever. That's up to you. I'm just not worried about people killing animals. So I can eat them. Haha.
-Dooon't, that's mean. They like torture them and stuff.
-Yeah. But then they're animals. So I'm sorry, I just don't care if they torture them.... Just like I don't care if they torture terrorists. They're terrorists for crap's sake.
-Well that's different... I guess... But they're still people.
-Crazy fucked up people.
-Still...
-What I think is crazy is we have a government owned and operated television network.
-We do?
-CBC. You didn't know that?
-Oh my god. How is that as crazy as torturing people?
-Think about it. They could so easily be brainwashing us.
-You are seriously so weird sometimes.

Out of the Blue: Behind Me In Class

-I need to start a petition to get 'Fagilicious' added to the dictionary.
-Hahaha. Fagilicious. All you need to do us get several people to use it regularly, and it'll catch on.
-Will you use it regularly?
-Fagilicious. Hahaha.
-Hahaha. You are so fagilicious.
-You are more fagilicious than normal. Hahaha.
-Hahaha. Oh man...

By the Front Window: Starbucks

-Hey, Terra!
-Oh, hey.
-Long friggen time no see!
-Yeah, no kidding. How are you?
-Good! Good. Hey what are you up to?
-Oh, just workin on some homework.
-Ah. Great. Can I buy you a drink?
-Uh.. I don't know.
-Come on. Just one drink. It won't take long.
-Na... I don't think so. I've gotta get going, I think.
-Please. Just one drink.
-I'm sorry. I really gotta go.
-Ah... Ok... I'll see you, I guess.
-Yeah, see you...
...
...
...
-Ah, what the hell...
-You came back?!
-Yeah... Just for a minute though!
-Hahaha. That's fine! That's great. Whattaya havin?
-Um... An Americano?
-Sure. Great. This is awesome. Just wait here. I'll get it. Be right back...

A Birthday Party: McDonald's

-Do you believe in God?
-I believe the Mayans.
-What's that?
-They propheceed the end of the world this year.
-That's not true.
-Yes it is!
-How come there's trees outside?
-Nooo, at Christmas time they said.
-I don't think you believe in that.
-Yes I do. My brother told me.
-How come you're playing then?
-I don't know.
-You should go rescue people.
-I'd rather play because it's my birthday today.
-We should try to get all the bad guys before Christmas time...

Around the Pit: Administration Building

-Oh my god. Is this a flash mob?
-I know. Seriously.
-Is it like two-thousand-two?
-Hahaha. No doubt. And to Nickleback?
-No freaking kidding.
-What the hell?

At work: Martin Collegiate

-So... Apparently I'm going out with him.
-What? Who?
-Victooor.
-Why?
-He followed me out yesterday and said, I'm walking you to the bus stop.
Annnd then before I got on the bus he was like, We're going out on Friday.
-Oh my god. Well you don't have to. Do you even want to?
-I don't know. Not really...
-Well don't then. You don't have to do anything.
-I don't think he'll take no for an answer.
-Oh my god. Just don't go. He's just a guy. Just stay away from him.
-But he'll follow me out of school.
-So what! You don't have to do anything if you--
-I do.
-What?
-Maybe I want to go out with him.
-Okay. Well whatever. You can do whatever you want...

On the Bus: Between School & the In-Laws'

-We're talking about that in class right now. How you can present someone that's totally not even you on Facebook. Or wherever.
-Like how so?
-Like say you're partying or whatever, and you end up puking everywhere and making an ass of yourself. You'll put up pictures of you and your friends partying, but as if you'd put up pictures with puke all over yourself.
-Which class is this?
-Philosophy. Basically he's saying that everything we do presents a certain, like planned version of ourselves. A guy wearing a kilt to school isn't saying, I don't care what you think. He's saying, I want you to think I'm the type-a-guy who wears kilts.
-That's all too deep for me.
-It's almost like nothing is totally true. We are all telling stories all of the time.
-That's weird.
-Haha. Totally. Interesting, though.
-Heh. I guess... Did you hear Ethan's going to Vegas for his brother's stag?
-He is?! Seriously?
-I saw it on his Facebook...

In the Pit: Education Building

-Well, it was nice seeing you.
-It was. Totally. We should definitely hang out sometime.
-Yeah... Sure... I actually write on your Facebook wall all the time to see what you're doing, buuut you never reply.
-Oh. Haha. Really?
-Yeeaah...
-I should probably address that, huh?
-Yeah. Well. I mean. If you want to.
-Ok. I will.
-Awesome.
-See ya.
-See ya soon.

On the Bus: Between Home & School

-I guess sometimes I just feel like my life is so tragic... Right now it's like a full-fledged tragedy.
-Aww...
-First there's my mom and all her shit that goes with her. You know about my mom, right?
-Mm hmm. A little bit.
-Well there's her. And then there's Jared leaving me. That tore me up huge.... I mean its not just that he left me, I guess. It's how he left me, ya know?
-Mm hmm.
-I just couldn't believe it. I was blind sided as hell. He told me he was gonna move in, hey?
-Really?
-I didn't tell you? Like two weeks before he left, he said he wanted to think about moving in. Like talk about dropping a bomb on someone.
-That really sucks...
-I know... Sometimes I wish I was a real artist so I could like curl up in a corner of some fuckin brick-walled apartment in some huge city somewhere nobody knows me... And I could just sketch my goddamn angry heart out on the pages.
-Heh. You should try that. I mean try sketching. Or whatever.
-Yeah, but I feel like if I was somewhere big, there's at least a chance of someone finding them and making my life into some kinda tragic masterpiece or something. Like what's that Ryan Gosling show?
-Hmm... Not sure.
-With that Marilyn Monroe chick.
-I don't know.
-Anyway, I feel like I'm blabbing your ear off.
-Oh, no. It's cool.
-You're a very good listener.
-Thank you. Hahaha.
-Glad I ran into you...

Over Coffee & Donuts: Tim Horton's

-Dude. That cop that was in front of me? They gave him his coffee for free. Extra friggen large. Didn't even say anything. Just handed it to 'em.
-Oh. Yeah. It's Tim Horton's policy that cops get free coffee.
-Are you kidding me?
-Nope.
-Like anytime they want?
-I don't know. I think so.
-That's why they're always here then.
-Haha. I guess so.
-I should be a friggen cop, man.
-Hahaha. To get free coffee?
-Well I have like three a day!
-I'm gonna go ahead and bet there's more to being a cop than free coffee.
-Yeah, but the coffee would make it all worth it.
-Hahaha. What ever you say, man.
-Seriously! I just can't get enough of the stuff...

The Drink Fridge: 7-11

-Ew. You have a Pepsi mustache.
-Hahaha. What?
-You know like a milk mustache? Stop chugging it.
-Oh, as if. Like it's even that gross.
-It is gross! You're grossing me out. You haven't even paid for it.
-I'm so thirsty.
-Ok. Ew... Just go pay for it.

In Line: Costco

-It seems like all we talk about is Alzheimer's. Everyone is writing about it, all the time. It's so depressing.
-I know. Wouldn't it suck if one of us got it?
-Oh totally. That'd be horrible.
-I think it's one of my biggest fears.
-I think it'd be better if I got it than if you did.
-What? Why's that?
-Cause I feel like you'd actually take care of me.
-Oh. I totally would.
-Exactly. Me, I'd be all bitter and just drag you around all over. 'Time to go grocery shopping. Groceries are something you eat. Put your seat belt on. Oh you don't know how? Do you want a lollipop?'
-Oh my gosh. Haha. Are you listening to yourself? I wouldn't be brain-dead.
-Haha. Just being honest.
-So you'd be mad at me if I got Alzheimer's?
-Hahaha. Of course I would. Hahaha. Love you?
-Oh my gosh...

At a Table Downstairs: Downtown Library

-This is a killer pen. Where'd you get this?
-I get them at the UofR bookstore. They're by far the best pen I've found.
-I love a good pen.
-Oh, me too. I'm something of an unintentional kleptomaniac when it comes to pens.
-Me friggen too. I'm intentional, even. I'll steal a pen from under your nose if you're not careful.
-Haha. Okay. Good to know.
-Sometimes I feel like the right pen could change my life.
-Hahaha--
-Like if I just had the perfect pen, I could write the perfect story that could like change the world.
-Haha. You--
-I'm serious. When I'm writing, and the pen's all scratchy and I have to write a word like a hundred times before it looks ok, I just wanna shoot myself. I wanna snap it in half and throw it so hard it friggen jabs into the wall.
-Hahaha. I don't even know what you're saying.
-Sometimes I feel like my purpose in life is to find the perfect pen.
-Oh my god. You can have it. Hahaha. Take it. It's yours.
-Oh. Haha. I don't think this is the one... It's too inky... Or something...

The Pit: Education Building

-So what'd your mom say?
-Oh my god she was so pissed. She was yelling at me for like ever.
-Hahaha. What'd she say?
-Well, she has this raging pink-eye right now, and it's all gross and goopy and like falling out of her face, so the whole time I was just thinking, Why don't you just scratch that thing out?
-Hahaha. You weren't even listening?
-All I know is I'm grounded.
-Grounded? Seriously?
-She was all like, You're grounded. Indefinitely.
-But you're pretty much an adult. You're in university.
-I know! Buuut I still live in her house... Annnd I still drive her car... Annnd I still spend her money. Hahaha.
-I guess so. Haha. And doesn't she still pay for your cell phone bill?
-Yeah! Haha. She totally does...
-So I guess she can ground you then. Haha.
-She'll forget by tomorrow, prolly.

Those Comfy Chairs: Riddell Center

-Diggity diggita doog doug.
-Diggita dig dig diggity doug.
-Digitty doog doog. Ah. K. Diggity diggity dig doug. Ah. I can't do it.
-K. Diggity diggity dig dig dougity.
-Diggity diggity diggita. Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Diggity dig.
-Diggity doo. I just gotta stop worrying about how it sounds.
-Where do you wanna sit?
-A diggity diggity dig dig diggity. Hahaha.
-Hahaha. Oh man...

Waiting for my Coffee: Starbucks

-Is this yours?
-Yup.
-I figured it must be. You working today?
-Na... Just came to visit I guess.
-You caame to see Vaneessaa, didn't yooouu?
-I did not.
-Aww, you're so cute.
-Ha ha. Very funny... I think I might ask her to a movie tonight.
-Oooh, makin the move are we?
-Not even. It's just a movie.
-It's not just a mov--
-Hey, Vanessa. What's up?
-Hey, what are you doin' here?
-Just came for a white chocolate mocha.
-Ah. Cool.
-Hey, what are you doing after work?
-Ummm, not sure.
-I think I might go to a movie. If you wanna come?
-Oh. I dunno.
-It could be like a date, haha.
-Shut up, Jenny.
-Juuust kidding. Just kidding.
-I don't think I can go anyway. I've got a bit of homework I should do.
-Well I'm gonna go anyway... So...
-Okay. Sure. I gotta grab the garbages.
...
-Aww, sorry, dude.
-Na. It's cool.... I just don't know why she hates me.
-Aw, come on. She doesn't hate you.
-Oh yeah? Homework?
-Hahaha. K, maybe she hates you.
-Whatever. I'll see ya later.
-Haha. Have fun at the movies.
-Screw you... I'll text you after.
-K. See ya.

In Front & Behind of Me: Shoppers Drug-Mart Line-Up

-Hey guys! What are you doing here?
-Oh hey! We're just gettin' some colas.
-You're gonna drink all those?
-No, they're for Papa Joe.
-I can't believe I saw you here. This is like a reunion of awesome people.
-Yeah. Haha. It kind of is I guess.
-Oh yeah! So you have an album out?
-Oh really?
-Uh... I thought so. My mom was like, you haveta listen to Keifer's album. Was that you?
-I think so, yeah.
-Well did you make an album?
-I did, yeah. It's even on iTunes.
-Hahaha. Well ok. That's cool then.
-Oh really?
-Haha. You're such a goof. So what are you guys up to.
-Just finished jamming. Now we're getting colas.
-Oh yeah. I'm just about to meet Sherri at Brewster's.
-Oh yeah. Okay.
-It's just across the street there.
-Oh really?
-Haven't you been there?
-Probably, yeah.
-Ok. Well, I'll see ya later.
-Okay.

By the Fire: Java Express, South

-Hey there. How are ya?
-Oh hey! I'm pluggin along just fine. Just fine. How are you?
-I'm doing well, yeah for sure.
-You still married?
-Uh... Yup. Last time I checked.
-Hahaha. Ya happy?
-Of course I am. Haha. Why d'you ask?
-Just wondering. Just wondering. Just being friendly. How is the old guy?
-He's well. He's well for sure. We're actually thinking. Well, we are. We're moving back to Toronto in a couple months.
-No shit? What for?
-Oh, we miss it. Family's there. He's got his old job if he wants it.
-Well in that case you'll have to come over.
-Haha. What? What for?
-I got this camera on boxing day, and I can't figure the damn thing out. You know cameras don't ya?
-Uh... Little bit, I guess.
-I remember you used to be fiddling around with one all the time.
-I guess I was for a while, yeah.
-That was a long time ago. Before your whole married life nonsense.
-Haha. Yeah that was a while ago.
-Well what are ya doing right now? We could swing over to my place and take a look.
-Oh... No. I really should get going. I'm meeting Jared for lunch actually.
-Oh, you eat with him every day I bet. Forget about him for a while.
-No, I really don't think so. I should be going. I'll see you later.
-Well it's certainly always a pleasure seeing you. We've gotta connect before you take off.
-I'll see ya later.
-Oh, I hope so. I hope so...

Food Court: Golden Mile

-Hey... Hey you. Hey, has anyone ever told you you look like that Edward guy from Twilight.
-Uh... Couple-a times, yeah.
-Hahaha. You do! You look just like him. I just watched Breaking Dawn like two nights ago.
-Ah... I've actually never seen them.
-Oh, they're so awesome...
...
-So if I'm staring at you while I eat, you'll know why. Just ignore me.
-Uh... Haha. OK... I guess.
-Hahaha. He's just so hot...

On the Bar Stools: Sparky's Pizza

-I know! Have you ever partied with her? She. Is one crazy bitch.
-I've never actually hung out with her. But yeah. I've definitely seen her around.
-K. I went out on the strip with her one time. And she is out of control. She was like making out with all these random people. And she ended up leaving with some random sketchy guy and I saw her like a week later and she told me how she fuckin barfed all over the guy's car.
-Oh my god. What'd the guy do?
-I know! That's what I said and she was like, I just told him 'Who the fuck cares? Do you wanna get laid tonight or what?'
-Hahaha. Oh my god.
-I know.
-The worst thing I've ever done is throw up in a guy's drawer when he was in the bathroom.
-Hahaha. Gross. Why did you do it in his drawer?
-I don't know! I was drunk, obviously.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.

Checking Out the Titanic Exhibit: Science Center

-Did you see the movie?
-Of course. Who didn't see it?
-Ya know what I found weird about it?
-Hmm?
-How they never even showed Johnny Cash at all.
-What? Hahaha. What the heck?
-Didn't he die on the Titanic?
-Hahaha. Oh my god. Are you serious?
-I totally thought I read that somewhere.
-Ahahaha. You might be right. And I bet Elvis lives on the moon. And friggen Tupac is hiding in the Hamptons.
-Ha ha ha. Very funny.
-And Obama's from Turkey. Hahaha. And I found Jesus in my toast this morning.
-Shut up. I swear I read it somewhere.
-Dude, it was like nineteen-twelve when it sank. Johnny wasn't around til the forties or something, thirties maybe.
-I'm gonna google it when we get home.
-Hahaha. You do that.

In Amongst the Books: Value Village

-I friggen ran into Alison yesterday.
-Who?
-I don't know if you know her. I used to date her in high school.
-Ah...
-She was my first real girlfriend. I totally thought I was gonna marry her.
-Hahaha. What the hell? How old were you?
-Heh. Like thirteen. She was the new girl. Love at first site and all that.
-Hahaha. Oh man. Young love. You wish you did, then?
-Marry her? Oh god no. I barely recognized her.
-How so?
-Well I felt glad to be a guy after I saw her, let's put it that way.
-Hahaha. What's that even mean?
-Well, it's like a fact. Guys hit their prime like late twenties, early thirties. And. Chicks hit it in like high school. Heh. And then plummet from there.
-Hahaha. What the hell? What about like friggen Jennifer Anniston. Or who's that chick? That Modern Family chick?
-Haha. I'm talking about normal people.
-Friggen Meryl Streep. She's like 60.
-You think Meryl Streep is hot?
-I'd take her out for a steak if she asked me. Hahaha. Show her a good time. Hahaha. Sure I would.

Behind Me: Starbucks Line-Up

-So Jeremy slept over finally.
-Oh my god how was it?
-It was actually really great. Like really great. I'm usually so nervous the first time, but he was... Spectacular. K. Ya know that thing about guys with small hands. His are like as little as mine.
-Hahaha. He's tiny?
-No, it's so not true! I mean I guess he wasn't super long or anything, but he definitely knew what to do with it.
-Oh my god, those guys are the best.
-I know! And he was actually really great cause I like couldn't get him to leave afterward. The last few guys wanted to leave like the second we were done.
-And he wanted to stay?
-Yeah! He was so nice, like just lying there kissing my neck and my ears and everything. It was so weird to feel like he actually loved me or something. Oh my god did I tell you about my knife fight?
-Yeah, a couple days ago. And did you hear Skylar got stabbed?
-Oh. Yeah. Hey, did you hear there's gluten free Rice Krispies now?

The Semi-Circle of Chairs: Chapters

-Have you read any of that Game of Thrones series?
-Nah...
-Aw man. It's awesome.
-Yeah, someone else was telling me to read it. I don't know. I just can't get into fictional books.
-Really? I couldn't survive without reading.
-I like reading. I just don't get why you'd read it if it's not true. I like autobiographies.
-Yeah... They're all right.
-You don't like them?
-I don't know. I find them hard to believe.
-Oh. Yeah. And dragons and wizards aren't hard to believe?
-Not when you're reading it. I don't know. I mean who actually remembers that day when they were seven when their dad yelled this or that at them? I feel like anybody can just say, This happened to me when I was twelve, and everyone believes them.
-That doesn't make any sense. So you believe made-up stories, but not true stories.
-I don't believe made-up stories. They just make more sense to me.
-You. Are such a crazy person...

Lunch Hour: McDonald's

-I freakin love my new iPhone. I've been playing with it all day.
-I know I play with mine all the time. Miss Anderson's always like, OK kids. Shut your phones off. I'm gonna confiscate them. They're gonna be banned and all that shit. But none of listen. Hahaha. It's hilarious.
-What games do you play?
-Ski on Neon mostly.
-How much is that one?
-Free I think.
-Oh, I don't want free ones. My dad bought me a fifty dollar iTunes card. I used the whole think practically.
-Have you heard of that app that's like nine-hundred dollars?
-What? No. As if.
-No for real. It's supposed to give you like the sweetest deals on hotels and flights and shit.
-Oh my God. Just google flight deals or something. Who would spend nine-hundred dollars.
-It's supposed to save you a shit load if money.
-I wanna get like a sweet camera or something. They have those right?
-I don't know. Probably...

In Front of Me: Starbucks Line-Up

-Have you tried those salted caramel mochas?
-I've never even heard of them. I hardly ever come here.
-Oh you have to try one. They're amazing.
-What size do I get?
-I always get Venti. Um. Yeah, I'll have a Venti salted caramel mocha, please.
-How big is a Venti?
-Oh, it's their large.
-Ooh... How many calories is that?
-Hahaha. I don't even know! Um. Excuse me? Could I get that with low-fat milk? ... What? ... Yeah, whip is fine.
-I'll just get a small one of those...

A Party of Some Sort: Freehouse

-Megan, this is Jason. Jason, Megan.
-Oh, I know you! Erin told me Jason is coming and I was like, who the hell is Jason, but I know you. I see you all the time at the University. You probably don't know me. Cause we've never talked before, but you were in my bio class. You sat in front of me. Oh my gosh I'm just rambling. I'm Megan. You'll meet the crazy me later, hahaha, but for now I'm just me. I've been friends with Erin as long as I can remember.
-Well. Nice to meet you. Uh... I'm Jason. She's told me a little bit about you.
-It's so weird. I just feel like we already know each other. Hahaha.
-It is sorta weird.

At the Foodcourt: Southland Mall

-Oh man, I forgot to tell you about my haircut.
-Oh yeah. It looks so good.
-I know, right. Anyway, I went to this new place and the guy was like totally gay.
-Like cute gay? Or like mean girl gay?
-I don't know. He was nice, but he was so fat.
-Oh. Weird.
-Annnd he kept farting! Like the whole. Time. I was like, OMG I can't breath.
-You said that?
-No!
-Did you say anything?
-No. What was I supposed to say? Um, can you stop shitting your pants, please?
-So that's your story?
-Yeah. A fat gay guy kept farting while he cut my hair. That's a good story.
-I guess so...
-At least I look hot.
-Haha. No kidding. Where'd you go again?

In the Pit: Ad Hum

-Oh my god yesterday was such a bad day. Somehow I set my clock late an hour. So I actually woke up at seven-thirty instead of six-thirty.
-You get up at six-thirty?
-Yeah, most days.
-Oh my god I would kill myself.
-Well I have class at eight-thirty. And I haveta take the bus, so...
-I never take classes that start before like ten.
-Well anyway. I was an hour late, but I didn't even notice. So I'm sitting in my classroom and I don't recognize like anyone. So I'm all like, Why are these people in my class?
-You didn't realize you were the one in the wrong class?
-Well I didn't have any reason to think I would be. I don't know what the hell's wrong with my clock.
-So you were just sitting in the wrong class?
-Yes! I didn't even figure it out til the prof started teaching.
-Oh my god. That's such a blond moment. What'd you do?
-I just sat there! I don't know. It's like, a small class. I couldn't just leave.
-I totally would have left. Haha. Just this weird girl sitting in class. Was it so boring?
-I don't know I was hardly listening.
-I totally woulda left.
-Well whatever. It was totally awkward. That's why I said, It was a really bad day...

The Booth Behind Us: Dairy Queen

-Dad says I need to get a new timing belt or something.
-I have no idea what that is.
-Me neither. I just know I have to buy it.
-Aw man. Are they expensive?
-I don't know... Man I hate cars. I hate spending money on cars!
-No doubt. I'm glad I don't have one... I hate seat-belts.
-Hahaha. What? Why?
-Seriously. I think about it all the time. Don't you think their so claustrophobic?
-Haha. I don't know. I guess so.
-I hate them. I wish I could kill whoever invented them.
-Hahaha.
-He wouldn't see that coming would he?
-Hahaha. Probably not. I mean he's only saved like a billion lives.
-I'd rather just be comfortable. Seat-belts are half the reason I will never own a car.

In the Opposite Direction: Education Building Hallway

-It honestly doesn't matter what job you're in. You can get another one instantly.

At the Study Tables: Ad Hum

-Hey man, what's up?
-Oh hey. Nothin much. Just a little studying.
-Any big plans for V-day?
-Na. I'll prolly just lay low.
-Aw, come on. We gotta get out there and find some hunnies. This is the first time I can remember not having a date!
-Heh. Na... I'll prolly just game out or something.
-Man, you can't just not try. On Valentine's day? There's probably hundreds of ladies just waiting for a couple-a-guys like us to charm the hell out of 'em.
-Yeah... I think I'll just lay low.
-Come on! Seriously. We could--
-Dude. Emma just broke up with me yesterday.
-Oh man. I forgot you were even seeing her. That sucks. Sorry dude.
...
-Well. Call me if you wanna go find a rebound.
...
-Heh. Or not. Sorry dude. Chin up.

Before the Midterm: Luther College

-Did you study for this?
-Na... I don't even take notes in class.
-What? Are you serious? Are you scared you're gonna fail?
-Na... I'm about ninety-two percent certain I'll fail.
-Haha. Oh man.
-It's not scary if you just accept it.
-Do you study for any of your classes?
-I try not to.
-Are you serious?
-Not really. I always haveta study real hard for the final, so I at least pass the class.
-Oh my god. Do you ever fail classes?
-Just once. But the prof was an asshole. He gave me like a sixty-eight or something on the final, and I woulda passed if I got like seventy-nine.
-So what's your overall average?
-I don't know. Like fifty-eight? Sixty? It's not like they're looking at your grades when you apply for a job.
-Haha. I guess so.
-Just show 'em your friggen degree thing.
-Hahaha. Exactly... Exactly... I studied for like ten hours this weekend.
-Ahahaha. Holy crap...

In the Hall: Luther College

-Woah. You're loud!
-I know.
-What is that?
-My iPod.
-I didn't know they had speakers like that.
-Do you live under a box?
-Haha. You just let it blast like that? For all to hear?
-Whatever.

Across the Parking Lot: Montana's

-Which one are you going to?
-The east.
-Oooh, you sure you're okay to drive all the way to the east end?
-Yeah. I'll just take ring-road.
-Oh, don't take the ring road! Just go through the city.
-Mom, I know how to drive. I'll be fine.
-Ookaay... Have fun...

Waiting for Class: Luther College

-I gotta get gas before we go anywhere. My gas gauge doesn't work, and I've driven almost 400 kilometers since I filled up last.
-Oh my god that's hilarious. Where do you fill up?
-I don't know. Anywhere?
-I only ever fill up at Petro-Can. I collect Petro-points.
-Weird. What can you get with Petro-points?
-I don't know, you just get deals on different things. My dad has like an obscene amount of Petro-points.
-What does he get with them?
-He pretty much just gets free car washes. He got a seasonal pass for the car wash. Do you know what that is?
-He can go whenever he wants?
-He can go whenever he wants. He literally goes through that car wash like once a day. He'll show up at his friends' and take their cars and wash them. He freakin loves the car wash.
-Aww... That's cute. He should take my car!
-He would. I'll call him. He'll totally take it.
-Oh no, no. I was just kidding. Haha.
-He would.
-Me and my sister wash our cars like once a year.
-Oh gross. That's disgusting.
-Hahaha. It is kinda, hey?
-It totally is.

Cafeteria: Riddell Center

-I'm sorry, what?
-Serious?
-Sorry, I wasn't listening.
-What were you doing?
-Shhh... eavesdropping.
-Seriously? What are they talking about?
-I dunno. Nothing. I just like eavesdropping.
-You're for real?
-Legit. People say the weirdest shit if you listen long enough. Shh shh shh. They're talking about their dad's dog being dead for two days before he noticed...
-Oh my gosh...
-I know, right?

The Booth: Starbucks

-I've decided to write a book. I'm gonna call--
-Yeah, you and everyone else.
-I'm gonna call it--
-Everyone's writing books about whatever it is they're interested in. Just cause they're interested in it, does--
-I'm calling it, 'Why Me.'
-Oh. Yeah. Why you? Why anybody?
-Haha. I guess so. Well I locked my keys in the car this morn--
-Aah yeah. That could happen to anyone.
-That's why I'm so late this morning.
-Ah. I get ya.
-Can't stay though. See you tomorrow.
-Unless you lock your keys again. Hahaha.
-No kiddin. Haha. I'll see ya soon, Bud...

On the Chairs By the Window: Chapters

-He passed away you know?
-Oh my! I didn't know that. How old was he?
-Only in his fifties. I looked him up on the google. He was actually a homosexual.
-Oh goodness. I wouldn't have guessed that!
-He died of whatever you can get from that.
-Good grief. So sad... It seems like there's so many nowadays.
-I did enjoy his acting, though.
-Yes, he was very good. Very nice looking.
-He was very handsome. And not very old!
-Oh, he was just a young pup. Are these comic books, here?
-I'm not sure...

After Coffee: Tim Horton's

-Ok seriously. I should go. Keep bitching, ladies.
-Oh my God. We will.
-Promise?
-You know iiiit. Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Oh my God. Who even says that? Keep bitching, ladies!!
-Keep bitchiiiing...

On the Way Out: Starbucks

-Before I go, I was wondering-- Oh. Sorry. Am I interrupting?
-No, no. It's no prob.
-What are you working on?
-Oh nothing. Just boring stuff.
-Well hey, have you ever listened to the whole 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' album? By Simon and Garfunkle?
-Oh, once upon a time, I probably did, yeah.
-Well you gotta listen to it again sometime. It's just wonderful.
-Yeah, yeah. They're great.
-Especially this album. They're at the top if their game with this one.
-Yeah.
-The songwriting is just beautiful. And the whole thing is so musical.
-Yeah. They were a good group.
-Well hey, my band's doing a cover of 'Baby Driver' tonight at Stats. You haveta come check it out.
-Oh great. Yeah. I'm not sure what the plans are for tonight. Sounds great.
-I think Baby Driver's my favorite on the album.
-Yeah. Yeah. Sounds great.
-Well... I guess I'll let you get back to work.
-Good. Yuh. Good. See you soon.
-See ya tonight then. Hahaha.
-Yeah. We'll see. We'll see.

On a Bench: Education Building

-Seriously. You can take anything out of context and make it say anything you want.
-Yeah. True. I guess so.
-But as soon as it's out of context, it refuses to make sense.
-How so?
-Uumm... I am a bibliophile.
-Whaaat?
-See. Out of context.

Beside Thomas the Train: Chapters

-So do you have both of them during the day.
-Yeeaah. Yeah. All day.
-Oh you're so strong.
-Oh please.
-No, you are! I drop my oldest off at preschool for half a day, five days a week, just to have a break.
-Oh that's niiice. I bet he loves it.
-He does. They're all kids his age.
-Yeeaah.
-And he's so energetic.
-Mm hmm!
. . .
. . .
-I don't know what I'm complaining about, though. I mean my grandmother had twelve children.
-Oh, I know. But that was a different time back then.
-She didn't have daycare or preschool.
-No, but the kids must've just raised themselves.
-Yeah, no doubt. Just bundle 'em up and send 'em outside.
-Yeeaah. Yeah, exactly. Go ride your bikes, kids!
. . .
. . .
-Twelve kids, though.
-No doubt.

Around Midnight: Denny's

-Gross, he's getting onions on his burger.
-You like onions?
-No. But I've been making myself try new things.
-But onions?
-Expanding my horizons.
-Guys always get into weird shit when they're old.

Between Bookshelves: Centennial Books

-Hey, ya know what I found out? Ya know how you always call people Yahoos?
-Yeah...
-Like, Look at this yahoo?
-Yeah. What about it?
-Ya know where that's actually from?
-Yeah, the Tibetan monks.
-What?
-They used to ride their yaks around until they were broken. Until they broke them. And then a broken yak was called a yahoo. And it would do whatever they asked it to.
-For real?
-And then in the wild west country, when they were breaking the wild horses, they'd all yell, Yahoo!! when they broke a horse. In respect for the monks. The Tibetan monks.
-Where did you hear that?
-Hahaha ahahaha. I'm just messin with ya. I have no clue where the word Yahoo comes from! Hahaha.
-Oh my god.
-Hahaha. So where's it from? Whattaya know? Hahaha.
-I don't know. It's from a book. Gulliver's Travels....

Cafeteria: Campion College

-K. So this guy came up to me. Creepy as ever. And he's all like, So where'd you get those pants?
-Whaat? Seriousleey?
-I know right? I was like, They're just jeans.
-So what'd he say?
-I didn't say it to him. I just walked away. I don't know what is, but weirdos are like drawn to me. Even in my English classes they're always like, Oh you're an English major? I've never spent more than like two seconds outside of a book! We should hang out and be besties, or you should like date me and we could read all day.
-Hahaha. No doubt!
-I mean just cause I like reading doesn't mean I'm a little weirdo.

Around [the same] Lunch Table: Luther College

-Have you seen his tattoo? It's amazing!
-Nah, he hasn't shown me.
-It's super cool. I'm gonna get one like it. But not as big. And behind my ear. Have you seen those?
-Honestly, I don't even really like tattoos. I've never seen the point of them.
-Really? I think they're cool. They're like a nice way of expressing yourself I think.
-I feel like they're just a fad. How is barbed wire an expression of yourself?
-Oh my god. Only an idiot would get something random like that. You have to get something that means something to you.
-I'm honestly gonna start a tattoo removal business. In like ten years. I'll make a killing off everyone who regrets getting their stupid tats.
-You're so dumb. They're like a work of art.
-I'll even give you a discount on your behind-the-ear cherry blossoms.
-Oh, your such an idiot.
-Hahaha ah hahaha

Around the Fire: Starbucks

-So I'm up watching TV around eleven thirty last night-
-You stay up that late these days? Geez, I'm in bed by ten at the latest.
-Oh yeah, I'm something of a night owl.
-And you're here by seven most days?
-A night owl and an early bird. Haha. Anyway, I heard some rummaging around in the back. So I go out there and there's this guy in my Ford. It's an old thing. Piece of junk-
-Ford what.
-Just a rust bucket escort.
-Ah. My first car was an old seventy-one Mustang. She was a beaut.
-But that's the third time they broke into that car. I think they're after those compact disc players.
-Is there one in it?
-No, but I'm puttin one in, see. I'm gonna rig it so when they pull the thing out, the airbags fire.
-Hahaha. That oughta teach em a thing or two.
-Hahaha. Instead of an escaped thief, I'll have an unconscious thief.
-Hahaha.
-So then I can kick the snot out of 'em.
-Haha. Oh, you wanna call them in, don't you?
-Nah. That's no fun. Hahaha. Cops won't teach 'em anything! That's no fun at all!

On the Bus: Between Home & School

-We gotta find dates for the weekend.
-Yeah, like it's that easy.
-It is! You just gotta ask anybody.
-Like who?
-Like anybody. I went out with some guy from the bus last week.
-Are you serious.
-He was just sitting there all quiet. I barely noticed him. Then he's all like, Hey whattaya doin tonight?
-So you just said, Looks like I'm hanging out with you?
-Hahaha. Basically. He was hot!
-Oh My God. What'd you do?
-Hahaha. We were just gaming out all day and then we went to a movie. Haha. He smuggled a twelve-pack in his back-pack. Just getting plastered in the theatre.
-Oh my god, that's so weird.
-Just passed out in the movie theatre.
-What if he did something to you?
-Oh, he didn't! He was a super nice guy. I wasn't Actually passed out!
-Oh my gosh, well I won't be going out with a guy from the bus, I can tell you that much.
-Hahaha. We'll find somebody for ya. Life's no fun without dates.
-True. Hahaha. Very true.

Around a Lunch Table: Luther College

-I can't wait to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D!
-Really?
-I loved that show!
-Honestly, I never really liked it. I don't like any Disney movies, really. I woulda liked it if it was more like Hamlet.
-Are you serious? Were you even a child?
-Haha. I don't know. I just think things are much more artistic when everybody dies in the end.
-Oh my god. That's so morbid. Haha.
-I thought it was awesome when Mufasa died in The Lion King.
-Oh, I cried so hard at that part!
-Hahaha ah hahaha.

At Breakfast: A&W

-Hey, how's it going?
-Ooh, not bad. Not bad. Not bad at all.
-Last day of work today!
-Oh yeah, going on holiday?
-No sir. I'm retiring.
-No shit. Congratulations. What then?
-I'm going to Bermuda.
-Holy god! Have you been before.
-Oh, I went for a week when I was in college. Told myself I'd retire there.
-Well good for you. Good for you. That explains the shirt. Haha.
-Hahaha. I just thought, What the heck? They gonna fire me on my last day?
-Hahaha. I hope they do! Hahaha. No I don't. No I don't. Good god. It'll probably take a miracle if I retire before eighty.
-Oh, Hahaha. I doubt that! How's it going back there anyway?
-Oh you know. Nothing changes around there.
-Haha. Well it is a good place.
-Yup. Not a lot changes around there...

Over the Counter: Starbucks

-Hey, haven't seen you for a while.
-I know! How were the holidays?
-Well... A gentleman decided to break into my apartment. On Christmas.
-Christmas day? Were you there?
-I was sleeping in my room actually.
-Oh my goodness. How scary!
-It was a long time ago. I'm kind of over it.
-Did he take much?
-He smashed the place up pretty good. Didn't take much. My copy of Ulysses.
-Ulysses?
-A book.
-Oh my. That's Strange. And that's it?
-And a few other little things.
-Why would he take a book?
-Good taste.
-Hahaha. I guess so. Well, I guess I'll have a pike roast, grande. A little room.

In Line: Xtreme Pita, Cornwall Center

-You know what I noticed about people? They only ever talk about themselves.
-Yeah?
-No one gives a shit about anyone. You're probably just wishing you could tell me about you right now, eh?
-I don't know, Man.
-Even me. I'm just telling you what I think. What I think about people. I don't give a shit about you. And I bet you don't give a shit about me.
-It's pretty weird, Man.
-We should all just talk to ourselves all the time. About ourselves.
-Or we could just stop talking.

Down the Hall: Riddel Center

-I haven't seen her in weeks.
-I know! It's like she's Mother Friggen Teresa. I mean maybe if I didn't already have a life, I could devote it to something really awesome, but...

Among Bargains: Value Village

-What about this?
-Hey, that's mine.
-Seriously?
-Yeah, I wore it that night I got stabbed.
-For real?
-Don't you remember?
-Was I there?
-I thought so.  He stabbed me right here. Right through my jacket.
-Were you bleeding?
-I got stabbed.
-It's probably not yours then.
-Oh. I threw mine out. Long time ago.

By the Toys: Chapters

-Oh my god. How are they going to spend fifty dollars each? They wouldn't even play with these.
-Who gives Chapters gift cards to kids anyways?
-Your sister gave them to them.
-Figures. Well they must sell DVD's here. Or something.
-Maybe they'll let us use them at Starbucks.