At the Kiosk: Chapters

-Can I help you find anything in particular?
-Yeah, I'm looking for a book called 'The Spiritual Handbook.' I forget the author.
-Ok. Sure, let's look it up. Is it kind of like a little devotional book?
-Devotional?
-Just like your daily devotions type thing.
-Oh no. Not at all. It's like a sorcerer's guide to spells and potions, specifically for protection against evil.
-Ah. I see. Ok. Well let's look.
...
-Doesn't look like it's coming up on our system.
-Nah. I knew it wouldn't. Nobody sells it, but I really need it. Man if you seen the shit I seen, you'd want it to. I mean you are one lucky son of a bitch. You all are. Everyone is so lucky they never seen the evil shit I seen. I mean it's real shit and it's real scary. I'm not even gonna tell you cause it would ruin your life and you'd be so scared. You don't even wanna know.

Waiting for the Kids: The School Bus Stop

-Well Tom's gonna be feeling it tonight.
-What's going on with Tom?
-He's gettin' snipped.
-Snipped? At his age?
-Had some kinda growth. Hahaha.
-Oh boy. He'll probably need that catheter too.
-Oh ya. He'll need it, but those aren't so bad anymore though.
-Depends who's doin' it. My last guy did it, I didn't even know he stuck it in already.
-Ah Geeze. That's nice. Hahaha. See, this is what you young guys have to look forward to.
-Wait til you gotta get your prostate checked.
-Hahahaha. That's no fun.
-And you get some doctor who's spending all kinds of time playing around up there.
-Hahahahaha.
-Heh heh.
-My last doctor, I just about asked him if he was planning on sticking something else up there.
-Hahaha. That's nothing. When I lived in Swift Current, I had this woman doctor do it. Real good looking too. And she said to me, she said I hope this doesn't hurt too much.
-Hahaha
-And I told her, I says, Oh I know you grease those fingers up good.
-Hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-Haha.
-And when she finished I asked her does she do that to her husband too.  Ah hahaha.
-Hahaha.
-She says, Oh no, my husband isn't in to that sort of thing.
-Haha.
-Haha.
-Haha.
-You're allowed to say stupid things when you're old, see.

The Table Next to Me: Starbucks

-The truth is I'm not prejudice. My kids have dated all kinds of nationalities. Even First Nation people. And I've always made sure I didn't say anything. I'm really not prejudice 

-No, no. Of course.

-And you know I'm sure their kids will do the same—it's just kinda how the world is going. But now Kelly's going out with a real Chinese guy, like straight from China with the accent and all that. It's harder not to say something. 

-Mm hmm.

-But I guess I should probably just leave it. I mean they're all the same anyway.

Three Rows Back: The School Bus

-That's a public school. They don't believe God loves you.

Near the Front Entrance: Dollarama

-I think I'm gonna stop at the Rainbow on my way home.

-The Rainbow?

-Ya, I gotta get some popcorn. Haha.

-You can do that?

-Oh sure. They get the bag ready as soon as they see me coming. Haha.

-Hahaha. Well I guess if you need some popcorn. Haha.

-Ya. And mamma needs her popcorn. Hahaha.

-Hahaha.

The Row Behind Us: Knox Metropolitan Church

-Wu—
-D—
-Haha. You go.
-No go ahead.
-I was gonna say— I dunno why I was thinking about this, but wouldn't it be, I dunno, intriguing to be a part of a girls gone wild week.
-What? Like—
-Ya like in Florida or Cancoon or whatever.
-Like spring break?
-Exactly.
-Whattayou mean? Like a chaperone?
-Hahaha. As if anyone would trust you to be a chaperone.
-Whattayou mean? I'm not gonna just go down to be a participant.
-Oh my god, if I ever had a kid I'd never trust you to be a chaperone.
-What the heck, why not?
-Oh I'm sure you could figure it out.
-That was so—
-Shh shh shh. It's starting.

Amongst the Shelves: Chapters

-Hey, you guys have any conspiracy theory books?
-Uh, yeah we've got a couple. Looking for anything specific?
-Well ya, I'm looking for books on the Holocaust.
-Uh... Well—
-Some guys say it didn't even happen.
-Well. Ya, I think it's pretty well documented.
-Ya but they could be lying about anything. Like first it's two million, then it's two point five, then six and now people say eight million.
-I'm pretty sure they have a lot of it documented—
-Ya but—
-And even two million is kind of a big deal.
-Ya, no. Ya for sure. I heard this guy on the radio last night talking about it, but he doesn't come up on your computer.
-No. Yeah, you'll prolly haveta check Amazon for garbage like that.

Amongst the Shelves: Chapters

-Hey wait.  Biographies. My mom says she wants a biography of Betty White.
-Betty White?  Do you know who wrote it?
-Ummm.  Nope.
-Well it's by author, so.
-Let's just look.  Oh my god, you know what I could never figure out?  How Mick Jagger was ever a sex symbol.
-Mick?  Just look at him. He's Mick.  It's cause he was bisexual.
-He was?
-Yeah. Before it was even cool.  He had all these affairs with boys and it was just like fascinating for everyone cause no one really did that.
-But he's so gross. Like scraggly and weird looking.
-Rolling Stones I guess— Hey here's one about Hemingway.
-Hemingway?
-Earnest Hemingway.
-Oh yeah. OK.
-You know he slept with his little nieces?
-Eww. That's sick.
-No not like that. He didn't do anything.  He was trying to deny his urges.
-Oh my god. He sounds like a perv.
-I dunno. He said he believed an artist should be able to deny his earthly passions or put it all in his writing or something, so instead of sleeping around and stuff, he slept with his nieces—like just in there beds, not slept slept with them—
-Oooh kaay...
-Well then he'd stop lusting or whatever when he did.
-Well I'm sure my mom would not appreciate a book about a guy sleeping with his nieces.
-Hahaha. Well where's this Betty White book?
-Excuse me, could you help us find a biography on Betty White?
-Oh sure, I think it's right rack here.
-Oh my god are you kidding.  I didn't even know there was another shelf of biographies.  Did you just add this one?
-Mmm, nope. I think it's been here a while.
-I have never noticed it.
-Yeah. I dunno.  I think it's been here since we changed the layout a while back.
-Well thanks for helping us.
-No problem at all.
-Oh it's an autobiography even. Mom's gonna be so happy I found it.
-That's weird they just put an extra biography shelf here.
-Did you know Betty White is ninety years old?
-Holy crap.  Now Betty White.  There's a sex symbol.